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Faculty Hall of Fame: Stephen Reed

Faculty Hall of Fame: Stephen Reed

Written by Don Mellor

Don Mellor, as always, was right when he predicted that “there will be an uprising” if Steve Reed is not placed forever on the highest pedestal of the pantheon of Northwood School faculty. 

The backstory is that Reno recently began a series of inductions to what he has called Reno’s Faculty Hall of Fame. Only someone with his humility would have missed the obvious irony here, that there’s a hall of fame with the heaviest hitter of all not at its top (no pun, my friend). Such would be akin to Cooperstown without The Babe. Yet when this was brought to Steve’s attention, he just chuckled dismissively into his mask and walked away.

However, there has grown a rumbling of discontent among the wider school community. How could the legendary Reno not be atop every category of excellence, they have asked. The ground is beginning to shake. Our most recent grads are Tik Toking. Older ones Tweeting. Greybeards are emailing furiously. The real codgers are writing letters*. * “letter writing” was a popular practice in the early days of the School. The “writer” would scribe a message on a sheet of paper. This “letter” would be folded in thirds, enclosed in an envelope, and dropped at the Post Office. Delivery would take about a week.

Fearing a surge of angry supporters at the stone pillars, RENO signs held aloft on hockey sticks, the powers of the School went into emergency session and have emerged with the following Proclamation: 

WHEREAS no faculty member in the history of the School has had a longer tenure, has told more jokes, eaten more potato chips, attended more school sporting events, taught more classes, written more college recommendations, stained more neckties, coached more sports, spent more time giving help in the library, driven more miles taking seniors on college visits, taken more kids out to dinner, earned more respect in the college hockey world, received more late-night phone calls from graduates in distress, mentored more young faculty, positively affected more lives,

AND WHEREAS no one is as relentless in deflecting credit, shining the light instead on the accomplishments of others, finding the good in everyone, and using only himself as the butt of all jokes,

NOW, THEREFORE, be it resolved that, henceforth, whenever a list of superlatives is created, it is by official decree that Mr. Stephen Reed automatically be assigned the top spot, with the others filling in below.

    Most retirements? Move over, Michael Jordan.     Sexiest teacher? Jeff Nemec, get used to second-place.     Jolliest belly laugh? Sorry, Santa

IN WITNESS, THEREOF, we hereunto set our hands and cause the Seal of Northwood School to be herein affixed.

With gratitude and love, the Proclamation is accepted into law,  

Your Base  ……………………………..Jingle Bells